second anniversary part 1: the story inn

For our second anniversary, Steve and I decided to take a spontaneous trip to a real hidden gem in Brown County - Story Inn.

two years

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.  For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.  We love because He first loved us."

-1 John 4:18-19 (esv)

being in love

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taming the tongue

Words are powerful.  Through words, we have the ability to do so many things: to compliment a friend, to sing praises, to share secrets, to rejoice with others, to share stories, to pray.  Just as easily, though, our words can tear others down in a single snide remark or a sarcastic jab.  They can really hurt.  Words are powerful, powerful things.

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We've been going through a lot of "life changes" lately.  Steve is looking to me a lot for support and encouragement as we work through this stuff.  But I'm not giving it.  Instead, I find myself snapping at him about little things and finding ways to criticize.  I think it's a defense mechanism that I developed over the last year...but it's not biblical and is definitely not what a Proverbs 31 wife would do.

 

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Proverbs 31:26 (esv)

 

So why do I keep using harsh words?  Sometimes I just know I'm right.  Sometimes I'm stubborn, other times tired and cranky.  Sometimes I'm protecting myself.  Sometimes I'm selfish.  And sometimes I just don't feel like being nice.  But each and every time, I'm simply choosing to sin over choosing to love.
 

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It all boils down to this: we are called to show Christ's love to others... and that includes through our words.  When I'm in a bad mood, I can respond to Steve with anger or frustration - but in the end, will that help him be a better husband?  Closer to the Lord?  Better able to sort through all of this stuff?  Nope.  But if I can guard my mouth, speak kindly, and love through my words, I think I'd be amazed at what God could do.  So that's my prayer this week - to give grace with my words. 

 

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29 (esv)

summer nights

Life seems to have gotten away from us lately, so we took a night off on Friday to see The King and I at the IMA.  Our first real date night in a while. 

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We packed a picnic, watched the sunset and sat back to enjoy the classic musical (one of my all-time favorites) under the stars.

 

The evening certainly wasn't perfect, but it was real.  It was fun.  For one evening, we set aside all of the current baggage of our "normal lives," and picked up a blanket and picnic basket instead.  We got (unnecessarily) competitive over card games.  We stayed up too late and ate too much popcorn.... and it was so freeing.  Just like when we were first dating.

I think somewhere along the way, a lot of married couples forget how to date each other.  Life just gets in the way.  But it's amazing how one imperfect evening under the stars on a blanket with your love can lift that heavy burden of life off of your shoulders, even just temporarily, and bring you back to each other.  In that evening, you feel truly alive together - just like when you first fell in love. 

first anniversary

One year ago today...

"So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

-Matthew 19:6 (esv)

 

Happy first anniversary, Stephen.  I love you and look forward to seeing what God has in store for us in many years to come.  May we never cease to grow in our faiths together and in our love for each other and for Christ.

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; itdoes not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends."

-1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (esv)

girl talk

Marriage has taught me a lot about myself.  It's taught me how I like to love and be loved, how I tend to fight, what little things matter to me (like putting the toilet seat down, ahem Steve!), what I cherish in friendships both with my spouse and with others, how I actually need alone time every once in a while - seriously, this came as quite a shock to me because I am a huge extrovert -  and when I need to just sit back and relax. 

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One of the biggest things I have learned over this past almost-year of marriage is the importance of girl friends in my life.  You'd think that once a girl marries her guy, he fills the "best friend" spot in her life and she doesn't need her girl friends as much any more.  Couldn't be more wrong.

When Steve and I first got married, we felt that we had to spend every waking moment together.  We were married now, so of course we should be inseparable, right?  After all, weren't we each other's best friend?  If we ate out for dinner, we did it together.  If we watched a movie, we watched it together.  If we met up with friends, it was for a double date.  Now I am a big fan of quality time - it's actually my primary love language - but this approach to marriage was not sustainable for us.  It wore us both down and actually ended up driving us apart.  I began resenting all the time we spent together, and Steve, the natural introvert, felt overwhelmed by the constant togetherness combined with the pressures of living up to the "married life" standard, and withdrew into himself as a result. 

The truth is, for a marriage to thrive, both husband and wife need to thrive individually in it.  We left no time in our married life for us to continue to grow as individuals, and the effect was that we drained each other.

I am glad that we learned this about ourselves so early on in our marriage.  Sure, it wasn't fun working through this stuff when we were supposed to be in "newlywed bliss."  But I think our relationship is healthy and sustainable because we experienced what was not sustainable (for our relationship, not necessarily for others) so soon after our wedding. 

 

Once we realized what was happening in our relationship, Steve and I both began taking steps to regain a sense of "self."  One of those steps for me was reconnecting with old girl friends of mine.  Setting aside time to grab coffee or dinner with the ladies.  Starting a bible study with two wonderful sisters in Christ.  Calling my long-distance gal pals and checking in more than once every few months.  And let me tell you, I didn't realize how much I had been missing those female friendships until they were back in the works again!   

 

 Last night, I met up with three dear friends at a local taco bar for happy hour and dinner.  There was warm weather, good food and great conversation.  The perfect girls' night.

We all became friends when we worked together - our first law firm jobs out of law school. 
Three of us have since left that firm, but we still stay in touch and now try to get together at least once a month.  We may no longer be work colleagues, but I think we will be great friends for years to come.  I'm so thankful for these ladies.

Girl friends are good for the soul.  I'm so blessed to have such lovely ladies in my life who can walk beside me through my career, my marriage and the general ups and downs of life.  And the best part is, spending time with my girls has helped me grow and mature... which in turn has strengthened and blessed my marriage.  It's a win-win-win!

There's real truth to "girl power."  Cherish your girl friends, ladies.  They are a blessing.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
― C.S. Lewis



un-niversaries

Today is Steve's and my seven-month anniversary.  Not that I was counting down to it or anything... I actually only realized it last night.  As a matter of fact, we (and I really mean both of us) have been absolutely terrible about celebrating our anniversaries thus far.  We have tended to celebrate our un-niversaries more than anniversaries - ya know, in the Alice in Wonderland un-birthday sort of way.

We missed our one-month while we were busy bidding on our house, two-months fell right during packing/moving time and month 3 flew by before we knew it.  We somehow managed to remember month 4, of all months... Steve made homemade spaghetti sauce and brought home a bouquet of lilies (my favorite):

And month 5 was celebrated with a quick lunch date at our favorite restaurant, Stone Creek.  Yes it was just lunch, and yes I got a massive piece of carrot cake.  So sue me :)

So we were on a roll, if you'd call it that (2 months in a row is quite an improvement from the first three months, haha!) but somehow, we missed the 6-month anniversary.  Epic fail.  Actually, to be honest, December 16th was the biggest fight that we have ever had as a married couple.  But I'll tell you what - that day, we got real with each other.  We opened up to each other.  We exposed all of our ugliness and sinful natures to each other... all of our hurts and struggles and imperfections.  We didn't hold back.  And here's the beautiful thing - on our 6-month anniversary, we got a glimpse of what "real marriage" is all about.  Not the fighting part per se, but loving each other in spite of (both of) our sinful natures.  Not of hiding, but sharing.  Not denying, but admitting and confiding.  Making ourselves completely vulnerable to the other, so that we can show Christ's love to each other and forgive as Christ forgives.  That in our weaknesses, we can find strength through Christ.

This is the only picture that I have on my phone from December 16th.  The only documentation of our 6-month.  But how incredibly fitting of that day.

I shall dwell secure.  He shall be my peace.

We shall dwell secure.  He shall be our peace.

On that day, I declared that over my life.  And I declared that over our marriage.  So no matter what our seven-month anniversary, or any other anniversary, has in store, I know that day by day, I shall dwell secure because my Heavenly Father is my peace.  And His hand is on my life, and on Steve's life, and on our marriage.  Through Him, two sinners can learn the true meaning of covenant love.